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Post by puck on Dec 27, 2010 23:14:50 GMT -5
She had felt it creeping around the edges. but tried to ignore it. She was happy here. Things were going well, better than ever. Yet the doubt kept coming back, no matter how hard she tried to keep it away. At first it was easy enough to fake and no one knew the difference. What they also didn't know is as soon as her back was turned, everything about Puck changed.
Over time it became harder to fake, the effort was too draining. She started spending most of her time in the secluded nook she had made her home, venturing out every so often so the others would still think everything was fine.
'No point in bothering them. Not like they can do anything about it.'
Before too long it started hitting her as hard as ever. Playing over her interactions with the others time and time again, hearing their words to her and her mind twisting them, forgetting the good and playing up the bad until she could come to the only possible conclusion: No one here would miss her if she left. In her mind, they were all making fun of her at that very moment, only pretending to like her to her face.
~~
Puck had spent the last few days in her small nook, unable to do much of anything with her mind repeating all her failings. After her third sleepless night she couldn't take it anymore. She waited until night fell once again and slipped out of her home, walking wherever her feet took her.
She didn't know how much time had passed, but she eventually found herself at a chain link fence. The same fence she had come to before. Where she met Kamaria. Where she had made her first friend. At the thought of Kam, Puck paused for a moment. How would she react when they found Puck was gone? 'If they found out is more likely. They probably won't even care, or throw a party instead.' The voice in her head was stronger than any true reasoning she had left.
Turning back to the fence, Puck looked for an opening, but as before there was none. This time though, her mind wouldn't let her take the easy way out and cower in a corner. Dropping quietly on the other side of the fence, Puck took a deep breath and once again let her feet lead her and her mind wander.
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Post by Quaxo on Dec 28, 2010 1:56:35 GMT -5
Quaxo was walking -- Misto had gone home to his human family for the night, so he felt that perhaps it was a good idea to get to know his new home turf. His mind had been wandering and he had been allowing his legs to move him of their own accord, not really paying any attention to where he was going at all.
Part of him missed his humans, the same part that felt bad for running out on them like he did. The child, Jenny, he thought her name was, she really cared for him a great deal. He shook the thought from his mind, that was done and over with, this was now. He had found Mistoffelees, he would adjust to this life, and that little girl...well she would find another cat to love.
His wanderings took him over a fence and beyond, before he happened upon another cat, a queen it looked like. She seemed to just be wandering, like him, perhaps they could walk together. He called out as he approached, "hey! Are you OK?" As he got closer, however, a flood of emotions fell over him attacking his mind like shards of glass. Pain, anger, fear, sadness, despair -- the strength of them brought Quaxo to his knees, grasping at his head and screaming out.
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Post by puck on Dec 28, 2010 2:04:10 GMT -5
Puck was lost in her thoughts and didn't hear the strange cat approaching or his call to her. The scream is what finally snapped her out of it. Startled, she turned toward the sound, unsure if she should approach or not.
"Are... are you okay?" She asked nervously, taking a few steps towards the cat. Puck didn't understand what had caused him to be in so much pain so she kept her distance, her eyes darting to the shadows, looking for whatever or whoever must have hurt him.
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Post by Quaxo on Dec 28, 2010 2:16:48 GMT -5
Quaxo looked up, tears streaming down his face, trying to avoid retching. "You...you're in so much pain," he said hoarsely. "God, how can you stand it? Why aren't you..." he lost his words. A new kind of fear added to the onslaught, temporarily outweighing the others. He shuddered on the ground, this was happening more often now, ever since he met Mistoffelees again. His powers seemed to spontaneously go on overdrive, what was it about this place?
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Post by puck on Dec 28, 2010 2:32:43 GMT -5
Puck turned back to the strange cat. 'Me? How.. how can he know anything about me? Or what I'm feeling?' Puck was confused and scared. Did he mean that she was doing this to him? How? She didn't understand what was going on but if this strange cat was acting like this just because he was around her, it only proved to her everything she had been feeling was right.
Taking a few steps back, Puck uttered a meek "Sorry" before turning and getting away from him as quick as she could.
Turns out they would all be better off without her.
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Post by Quaxo on Dec 28, 2010 2:38:00 GMT -5
"Wait!" Quaxo called, to her, as he struggled to his feet, "please don't go!" He couldn't just let her run like this, he needed to do something, needed to help her. No-one should have to live with such pain. The intensity of the feelings seemed to lessen, it was more of a very keen awareness than an attack now.
"Please let me explain, this isn't your fault, don't be sorry."
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Post by puck on Dec 28, 2010 2:50:06 GMT -5
Puck stopped, but kept her distance. She didn't believe that it wasn't her fault. How could it not be? To see her effect on others so plainly was almost too much for her. She felt the tears starting to form but did her best to keep herself from crying, in case it caused something to happen to the other cat again.
Not knowing how to respond or what to say, all Puck could do was shake her head.
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Post by Quaxo on Dec 28, 2010 2:54:14 GMT -5
Quaxo took a deep breath, steadying himself. How on Earth do you explain this sort of thing?
"Look, I...I have these...abilities. I can basically feel the emotions of others. You just have so much bottled up that it overcame me at first. Please come back, I want to help you. You definitely need someone to talk to, and don't try to claim you don't want someone either. I know that you do."
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Post by puck on Dec 28, 2010 3:03:09 GMT -5
"Help? How can you help? I've done everything already. I've talked, I've changed, I've done everything possible but things always end the same. Whats the point in talking? Nothing will fix this. Its best if I just go away. Its the only way."
Puck didn't quite understand what he meant by feeling her emotions but it was obvious he was having a hard time being around her. And she definitely didn't think that he could do anything to help her. Others have tried only to fail and she ended up worse off than before.
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Post by Quaxo on Dec 28, 2010 3:09:39 GMT -5
"It's not the only way!" Quaxo yelled, some of her anger fueling him, "just because you've tried before with others does not mean that talking to me won't change things. I know what you're going through, I can feel exactly what you're going through and I know that no-one ever deserves to go through that alone."
He took a few steps toward her, "you're worried. Probably that talking to me will hurt you even more. You are not a bad cat!"
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Post by puck on Dec 28, 2010 3:20:19 GMT -5
Puck was startled at his sudden outburst. She wanted to move away from him as he stepped closer, but his words held her where she stood. Could he really know what she was feeling and going through? How was that possible? She felt like she was up against a wall when in fact there was nothing behind her.
She opened a closed her mouth a few times, trying to say something. Anything. Giving up, she dropped her head feeling defeated. "I just don't know what to do anymore." She muttered quietly, shaking her head as a few tears escaped.
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Post by Quaxo on Dec 28, 2010 3:28:58 GMT -5
Quaxo stepped further forward, until he was right in front of her. She was so sad, she looked defeated. "Tell me what's happened," he said, tone much lighter, "I know you don't believe it, but I really do think I can help you." He looked her in the eyes, "I don't believe that I met you here by coincidence, I think that I was meant to."
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Post by puck on Dec 28, 2010 3:38:37 GMT -5
Puck shrugged, rubbing the tears off her cheeks with the back of her sleeve. "Its all the same as always. I find a group and they let me in. Things are great for a while, but sooner or later I end up alone. They all leave me." Puck's mind went to the list she kept in her back pocket. The one with the hatch marks that she had only shown to Kam. Even though she stopped carrying her bag around, she couldn't stop carrying that. "So many have left me. I don't know what I do but I push them all away in the end. They end up hating me. So I try to change for the next group but its always the same." She couldn't look him in the eyes.
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Post by Quaxo on Dec 28, 2010 3:47:18 GMT -5
She actually believed this was true, believed that she was at fault.
Quaxo shook his head, "there is nothing about you to hate. These things, this pain, it's not actually happening like you see it, you're making it happen. You're pushing them away because deep down you don't feel like you deserve the friendship of others. Look at where you are. They didn't leave you, you left them." He took one of her hands in his own, "aren't you tired of running? If things get hard you can't just turn your back and leave, you have to tough it out. You have to work if you want to make a life somewhere. I know you think that it's not worth it, that it's easier to leave, but if you do, then you'll be running your whole life."
He caught a flash of happiness in her, more like a remnant, a feeling remembered. "It wasn't all bad where you were. There were some that you were close to. How do you think they'll feel, once they find that you left?"
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Post by puck on Dec 28, 2010 3:58:34 GMT -5
She just shook her head, not even acknowledging his touch. "I've been trying to tough it out my whole life. I'm tired of it. I just don't want to try anymore."
"They'll probably have a party with me gone." She replied to his question, a small smirk forming. "If you hurry up I'm sure they'll save some cake for you." Her mind went back to Kam. There was a possibility that Kam would miss her, but she was well liked by others so she'd get over it. The list had hundreds that had dropped her. As much has Puck wished it would, one cat couldn't remove the hurt that those on the list had caused her.
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Post by Quaxo on Dec 28, 2010 4:07:33 GMT -5
Quaxo felt her words like they were daggers to his heart, "stop feeling sorry for yourself. What reason would they have to hate you? What possible thing could you have done? Has anyone from this place you came from ever told you, or even given you a good reason to think, that they didn't want you around." He knew the answer to that, but her problems went much deeper than just these cats. "Look, I know you don't see it right now, but your leaving them is not the right thing to do, it's selfish, and it hurts others more than you can possibly realize. You claim to want to stop hurting, but unless you let someone in these feelings will keep cropping up. You need to believe in the goodness of others, but much more than that you need to believe in yourself."
He felt like he needed something else, something more to add, to make her believe. "I know that if you leave them for good, every single one of those cats will be worse off for it. You're meant to be with them, they love you." He couldn't possibly know such things, but he needed to make her believe in herself, she was so lost.
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Post by puck on Dec 28, 2010 4:20:02 GMT -5
Puck glanced at the tom. He felt so strongly about this it was... odd. Yes she was close to Kam but that was different. She could still keep bits of her closed off to Kam and she was none the wiser. This tom was different. Maybe it was his "abilities" or maybe he was just a good actor, but he seemed to really understand. To care. Puck wasn't used to anyone being this intent before.
She glanced down the alley, a part of her still wanting to go. Shaking her head she sighed, running her hand through her hair. "Alright. If you say so."
"Besides, its not like I can trick you." She added with a smirk, returning her glance at him.
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Post by Quaxo on Dec 28, 2010 4:24:10 GMT -5
Quaxo legitimately beamed at that, "I do say so, and, you're right, you can't." He offered her his arm, "where are you from anyways? I'll walk you there."
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Post by puck on Dec 28, 2010 4:30:36 GMT -5
Puck hesitated a bit, but took the offered arm. She glanced around a bit, trying to figure out just where she was. "Um, I don't know for sure. I wasn't really paying attention to where I was walking." She replied, somewhat embarrassed. "Somewhere in the junkyard though, I climbed over that fence."
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Post by Quaxo on Dec 28, 2010 4:33:01 GMT -5
"Like the Jellicle junkyard? " Quaxo asked with amusement, maybe this really was meant to be. "It just so happens I came from the same place! Let's go get lost together shall we?"
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Post by puck on Dec 28, 2010 4:39:52 GMT -5
"Yea, that one." Puck was surprised that he knew of it. "You're from the junkyard too? I've never seen you around."
"I'm more used to getting lost by myself. Would be interesting to do it with someone else." She replied with a smile.
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Post by Quaxo on Dec 28, 2010 4:44:17 GMT -5
"Well," Quaxo said, "I'm a bit of a new arrival. I have family there." He grinned at her next statement as they began to walk, "I assure you, getting lost with a friend is much more fun than by yourself." He paused a moment, "by the way friend, I'm Quaxo. What's your name?"
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Post by puck on Dec 28, 2010 5:18:52 GMT -5
"Family? That sounds nice. I don't know if I haven any family, or where they are if I do." She shrugged, but her smile grew a little bit. "So it seems. Its a new experience none the less."
She was a bit embarrassed when the tom, Quaxo, asked her her name. Had they really be talking that much and not said their names? "I'm Puck."
((Shall we call this thread good and start a new one in the Junkyard forum?))
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Post by Quaxo on Dec 28, 2010 12:25:10 GMT -5
((Yup OK!!))
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