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Post by Alonzo on Nov 27, 2011 0:05:22 GMT -5
That hurt. He understood perfectly, but there was a huge part of him that wished Munk would have just said that they should be together. He knew that was unrealistic, idiotic even, but the hope was still there - and therefore, so was the hurt.
He couldn't help thinking that there must be something wrong with him, in the last couple months he had confessed his love to two different people, both of which, for different reasons, had decided that they couldn't truly return the feelings. What was worse though was the fact that the person he would normally go to to talk about this sort of thing was currently cradling him in his arms.
He put on what he hoped was a convincing facade of happiness, "that sounds like the best thing for sure."
Lies...lies and slander
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Post by pike on Nov 27, 2011 0:10:09 GMT -5
Munkustrap nodded his head, pulling Alonzo closer to him, head resting above the others, a kiss pressed to his temple. He felt relieved. No. He couldn't hurt anyone. Not after what he did to Kit. She liked him too much, he knew she did, and still he pursued her just so he could get some. And even when getting some with Alonzo, he still went to her sometimes. Like an addiction.
No. He wouldn't be like his brother. Wouldn't be like his father.
He wouldn't.
He refused.
Old Deuteronomy had so much love, so much love he had so many wives, so many dead, so many... yet he was only aware of his two elder siblings, not even quite knowing the full story behind Macavity. Did Old Deuteronomy hurt queens? He wouldn't be surprised...
And Tugger... his idiotic brother probably couldn't even tell the hurt he caused...
He squeezed his eyes shut as he stayed close to Alonzo. "I don't want to be like my brother." One sentence, no need for more. One that said everything.
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Post by Alonzo on Nov 27, 2011 0:17:00 GMT -5
Alonzo almost flinched at that. Munk really was very like his brother in a lot of ways, especially in the way he treated his partners. It wasn't his fault, not really, it was almost like it was a part of his make up. He wanted nothing more than for Munk to be as different from his brother as possible, and for the most part he was, but the way he was with Kit, that was where the resemblance was particularly striking.
"Well," Alonzo replied, "that makes two of us."
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Post by pike on Nov 27, 2011 0:27:44 GMT -5
Munkustrap sighed as he nestled close. That was one thing about Alonzo--he understood. Admetus was like that, too, but sometime Munkustrap felt ashamed to admit things to Admetus. He respected the tom so much, but they had enough weight on their shoulders with Plato. And Admetus really did a good job keeping him in check--with a background like that, he could easily get in a fight.
... then again, Plato was just about ready to fight whenever he felt someone was threatening his friends. Loyalty gone amiss.
But he wouldn't bring that up. He didn't want Alonzo to hurt more. Instead, he just stayed close.
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Post by Alonzo on Nov 27, 2011 0:37:08 GMT -5
Alonzo turned to face the other, "can I kiss you Munk?" In other circumstances the question would have been almost laughable, but this wasn't a regular situation. He knew Munk would be able to see the seriousness in his eyes, in his body.
He didn't want to make out with Munk this time, he wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss him so that he could show him how he felt without the words that would make it awkward. It was the only way that he could do it, and he desperately needed Munk to understand, just as Munk seemed to need the same from him. He stared into the other tom's eyes, as if trying to pull an answer from them with his own.
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Post by pike on Nov 27, 2011 0:39:53 GMT -5
Munkustrap nodded, not entirely certain of the intent, where it was going, what was there, but he leaned in anyway, lips closing over Alonzo's, eyes falling shut to feel, to experience, to live. He wanted to understand his friend.
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Post by Alonzo on Nov 27, 2011 0:46:54 GMT -5
Alonzo tried to put everything into that moment, into that connection. Everything that he felt for Munkustrap, everything that he felt for Plato, all of it. The confusion, the worry, the love, the fear...until it seemed almost as though his entire being was condensed into that kiss. He held the contact, trusting the other with all of his soul.
This wasn't just openness, it was like taking down all your armor, throwing yourself onto a blade, and trusting it not to impale you. It was complete.
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Post by pike on Nov 27, 2011 0:48:48 GMT -5
Munkustrap continued to kiss, trying to understand, but it was confusing. Alonzo was so conflicted. All Munkustrap felt like he could do was comfort the other with sweet kisses, with stroking his hair, with personal resolve. He broke the kiss. "I can't accidentally do to you what I did to her," he said firmly, stroking Alonzo's cheek. "I need to be sure. It's not fair to you." He kissed Alonzo again, wondered if that was the way he kissed Plato. He'd imagined Plato would be sloppier and more wild, more Stray.
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Post by Alonzo on Nov 27, 2011 0:57:14 GMT -5
Alonzo almost cried, just barely able to hold the tears back. He just wanted so bad for someone to really, truly understand. What more could be possibly do though? Nothing Would Munk ever be sure? He couldn't say for certain, but something told him that it was unlikely.
Plato and Munkustrap. Two loves. Two people whom he was growing more and more certain would never be able to feel the same way that he did. At that moment, even in the arms of the other, he had never quite felt so lost.
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Post by pike on Nov 29, 2011 0:03:10 GMT -5
Munkustrap broke contact after a bit to hug Alonzo. His friend was hurting so badly. Munkustrap knew he was partly responsible for it, but not completely. He exhaled uncomfortably.
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Post by Alonzo on Nov 29, 2011 0:07:55 GMT -5
"I'm sorry," Alonzo sniffed, "I'm acting like such a fucking cry baby." He wrapped his arms around Munk and squeezed tight. How he wished he could just turn off his feelings, be truly OK with being just a fuck buddy to two of his best friends. Oh, how he wished.
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Post by pike on Nov 29, 2011 0:17:55 GMT -5
"Hey, it's okay, buddy. Seriously," he answered. "You've seen me cry enough. You can be weak a moment or so. It only builds strength later."
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Post by Alonzo on Nov 29, 2011 0:21:25 GMT -5
Alonzo forced out a laugh, "that's a little corny Munk." He didn't let go of the other though, he wasn't quite ready to release the warmth. It just felt so good to be near him like this, so...natural. If only Munk felt the same.
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Post by pike on Nov 29, 2011 0:27:11 GMT -5
"Maybe a little corny, but not completely. It works, right?" He leaned back and sighed, feeling a bit more relieved in general.
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Post by Alonzo on Nov 29, 2011 0:31:45 GMT -5
Alonzo wiped at his eyes, blinking a few times to clear them, "well it made me laugh if nothing else. Stopped me from being such a depressing loser." He stretched, "so...what now?" The question was open ended, able to be taken any number of ways, though there was a distinct lack of the seriousness that pervaded the last conversation they'd had. He was tired of emotion right now, he didn't want to force it anymore.
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Post by pike on Nov 29, 2011 0:43:38 GMT -5
He arched his back, yawned and stretched. "Don't know. Sort ourselves out. Be prepared for night watch a bit more."
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Post by Alonzo on Dec 4, 2011 15:01:59 GMT -5
Alonzo sighed, "yeah, I guess." He sat up looking at the other, "Munk, promise me never to make me do something like with Kit ever again." It had been festering at the back of his mind now for a while, but he was actually worried that his friend would be unable to control himself, and that he, Alonzo, may be left to pick up the pieces again.
It was too hard.
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Post by pike on Dec 8, 2011 10:46:43 GMT -5
Munkustrap sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "You don't need to do anything... but if you're asking me to promise not to do that again, I can't promise that. You know I can't." He sighed. Really screwed her up... He knew it.
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Post by Alonzo on Dec 19, 2011 20:50:13 GMT -5
Alonzo nodded, "then...at least just promise me that you'll try."
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Post by pike on Dec 20, 2011 0:35:06 GMT -5
"Yeah, I can try." I always try, he wanted to say instead, but didn't. The point wouldn't go across well. He did try, but it'd be trying harder. Trying to fight that temptation.
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Post by Alonzo on Dec 20, 2011 1:08:08 GMT -5
Alonzo nodded, "that's all I can ask."
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Post by pike on Dec 20, 2011 20:57:23 GMT -5
Munkustrap nodded then rose to his feet. "We better check the perimeter. Meet you on the other side."
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Post by Alonzo on Dec 20, 2011 23:37:56 GMT -5
Alonzo nodded, "yeah. See you."
He couldn't help but feel that as they parted ways, there was something both of them were leaving behind.
I can't do this anymore...it's not healthy. I...I just can't
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