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Post by kamaria on Sept 1, 2011 10:46:08 GMT -5
Kamaria was sitting alone on top of the old car, looking up at the starry sky. It was quite late at night, so the junkyard was quiet, most cats having gone home to their human homes or curled up in their dens for the night.
She was lost in her own thoughts, not noticing that tears were trickling down her cheeks, staining her fur.
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Post by pike on Sept 1, 2011 10:50:26 GMT -5
Nightwatch was boring, as it usually was, as the way it should be. Munkustrap padded along, keeping an eye out for anything amiss.
He glanced at the car in passing, spotting a familiar face, thank the Everlasting Cat, and smiled. "Hey Kamaria. How are you toni--you're crying." He climbed up the car, then crawled over to sit next to her. "What's wrong?"
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Post by kamaria on Sept 1, 2011 10:59:38 GMT -5
Kamaria jumped at the sound of Munkustrap's voice, and touched her cheek when he pointed out that she was crying. It was wet. "Oh. I am, aren't I," she said quietly and smiled a small, almost apologetic, smile. She shifted a little when he sat down next to her, and looked down at her palms.
"Are you sure you want to hear my silly girly angst?"
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Post by pike on Sept 1, 2011 11:13:27 GMT -5
"Silly girl angst has silly in it, so yes." Munkustrap smiled kindly and put an arm around her shoulder. "I'm no therapist, but what's up?"
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Post by kamaria on Sept 1, 2011 11:18:52 GMT -5
Kamaria chuckled at that. "I suppose you're right. And... well." She paused, and rubbed the back of her neck.
"I... I'm in love with Skimbleshanks. I think. And I confessed this to him. He just told me he had to get to the train and would talk to me when he comes back, and it's been ages. I'm such an idiot, I never should have told him. He doesn't give a crap about me. Why would he, anyway. I'm nothing special."
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Post by pike on Sept 1, 2011 13:14:07 GMT -5
"... Skimble? Isn't he..." Kinda old?
No. That wasn't the point of this talk. Oh boy.
"I wouldn't necessarily say that. Skimble... takes things literally. ... very literally." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I like him but I don't exactly condone his... methodology. He's been absent for most of his sons lives."
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Post by kamaria on Sept 1, 2011 14:32:44 GMT -5
He didn't say it, but she was well aware of what he was thinking.
"He's way older than me, I know. I can't help who I fall for, though. I had a massive crush on you for the longest time," she admitted.
"I wish I could just move on, he doesn't want to be with me. Not sure if it would even be possible to have a proper relationship with him, even if he did want to be with me." She sighed. This was all so stupidly complicated.
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Post by pike on Sept 2, 2011 21:06:44 GMT -5
"Me?!"
Munkustrap's jaw dropped. Maybe it wasn't just Skimbleshanks, but striped cats in general who were completely oblivious. He closed his mouth and swallowed. He'd never even considered that possibility. He never considered the possibility with anyone, usually.
And, maybe it was the alpha in him, but he felt a touch... jealous?
Still, he nodded his head. "I wouldn't say that you know that for certain. Skimble... he'd say directly if he wasn't. He'd be polite, but there'd be no mistake."
He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'd be more concerned that you're fairly close to Victor's age in retrospect. Sometimes there can be tension. And sometimes... cats just don't know."
He gave her shoulder a squeeze, smiling softly. "Probably not much comfort but looking from a silly standpoint, could you stand being Tumble's stepmom? I think most would try to kill themselves dealing with him or Pouncival for too long," he teased.
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Post by kamaria on Sept 2, 2011 21:12:51 GMT -5
"Yeah, for quite some time, actually," she admitted, blushing slightly. No denying it, she still found him incredibly attractive. "You went off with Kit though. I could never compete with her. But anyway."
The Victor and Tumble comment made her chuckle. "I seem to have a knack for falling for unobtainable cats. You, Skimble... Especially Skimble is just plain awkward because of Victor and Tumble. I don't know. It's confusing. I've never really talked much with Victor, so I've no idea how he'd feel on the off chance that Skimble actually wants to give stuff a shot. Tumble though... That was a whole other pile of drama..." she said, and wiped her palm over her face. Hopefully he'd forgive her at some point. Hopefully...
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Post by pike on Sept 2, 2011 21:26:01 GMT -5
"Went off with her when?" Munkustrap asked, then shifting uncomfortably. "It's... complicated... you... probably don't want to know."
He shifted, arm still around her, still a friendly face though he was listening more attentively. "Problems with Tumble? I hate saying it, but I'm not surprised. Anyone in that family's going to be messed up and drama ridden."
He seemed to think a moment. "I wouldn't really say unobtainable, but complicated. A lot of times, it seems like cats who struggle with things such as esteem often go for cats that aren't ideal. Always gone, interested in something else, different things. It's more a cycle of defeatism that probably could be avoidable to some degree."
He looked aside. "I wouldn't make conclusions about me. Just saying..."
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Post by kamaria on Sept 2, 2011 21:43:00 GMT -5
"Long time ago, I don't even remember exactly. But yeah. I don't blame you for going off with her though. She's hot. I'm... not," she said quietly with a slight shrug.
She leaned into him a bit, not really a conscious move, but he was warm and comforting and she was so, so lonely.
"Yeeeah. We're all oblivious apparently. I was spending some quiet time with him a while back, we were just hanging out looking for fireflies or whatever, and then... Well. Let's just say apparently he had a slight crush on me. Explaining to him that I'm crazy about his dad... Awkward as hell, and he completely exploded. We've not really spoken since then." Kamaria sighed. She sure knew how to pick 'em. Skimble was probably the one with the most complicated family life, and there was the train and... How was that ever going to work? Stupid stupid stupid.
She blinked at the last bit. What? Was... was he flirting with her? Kinda? "Aaand that's why I had such a massive crush on you. You're gonna get me all confused now," she said, although with a smile and a playful jab in the ribs.
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Post by pike on Sept 2, 2011 21:57:16 GMT -5
"Hey nowwwww~" he laughed, using his other hand to catch his side, arching his back a little to the side to pull away. In a way it was nice talking and laughing. What he feared would go downhill was enjoyable. Maybe he was getting into those heart to hearts, like his with Alonzo.
"I don't want to confuse you, or make stuff complicated. I'm complicated. And Kit's not that hot. Certainly not more than you. She's just good and easy--" he froze up then, and looked more guilty. He gave an embarrassed smile. "... I'm uh... maybe some bad habits run in the family... trying to get over them. Her."
He lowered his arm from her, and lay on his back, hands linked behind his head like a pillow. "That sucks about Tumble. But he'll get over it. He doesn't have it in him to stay mad for too long. If he did, he'd have punched out Pounce for all the shit Pounce put him through." A distraction.
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Post by kamaria on Sept 2, 2011 22:13:58 GMT -5
Kamaria grinned and poked her tongue out ever so slightly at him. This was indeed nice. A welcome distraction. It'd been too long since she'd laughed. And somehow it was easy with Munkustrap now. She was usually awkward, especially around cats she really liked, but this was nice. Easy. Natural.
"Hang on, was that a compliment hidden in there somewhere?" she said, eyebrow slightly raised. Saying Kit wasn't all that hot, and not hotter than her... Backwards compliment, sort of? Possibly? That was new. Sure, Plato had called her hot once, but as a rule nobody ever complimented her, and certainly didn't call her attractive in any way.
She decided not to comment on the slip-up about Kit being easy, just let it slide. Toms have urges. Whatever. That was something Tugger and Munkustrap had in common, apparently.
Instead, she lay down next to Munkustrap and looked up at the stars. "Yeah, he may be troublesome sometimes, but he's a good kid, really. Hopefully he'll come around eventually..." she murmured and then went quiet.
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Post by pike on Sept 2, 2011 22:23:03 GMT -5
"He will. The beta and omega types always do. It's the betas who want to be alphas that are trouble," Munkustrap said evenly, not meaning to degrade the situation, but be realistic. "I'm more concerned that he'll get any status in the tribe when it's his time. But he's not my brother--can't do much to help there except supervise."
Munkustrap might have avoided the question before he went back to it. "It was a compliment. Have some faith in yourself. Maybe you'll see what others see then. You're kind and compassionate. Pretty. When Jenny was young, she used to look a bit like you. I wouldn't write off Skimble yet. Coming as a tom, he's going to need you to be direct, almost embarrassingly so. Coming from a friend... get to know him a bit more. And be careful. He's a good guy, but I don't necessarily think a good partner."
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Post by kamaria on Sept 2, 2011 22:45:36 GMT -5
Kamaria nodded, but made no comment. She turned her face to look at him when he went back to compliments and Skimble, though. Again with the blushing.
"I.. Wow. Thank you. I really do need to figure out how to build my confidence. I don't see much in myself, so I take it for granted that no-one else does, either," she said with a slight self-conscious shrug. She'd always thought that when there's cats like Bombalurina around, why would anyone ever look at her twice. It was nice to hear that wasn't quite the case. Maybe she wasn't beautiful, but pretty, that was something, at least.
"Young Jenny, huh? Interesting. Being direct though, that's gonna be tough. At least I told him how I feel, so he's aware of that. It's a start, I guess. God, I don't know what I want anymore. I mean, I'm crazy about him, but like you say, he might not be the best partner. I don't know. I wish he'd come back so we could talk. Then maybe, if nothing else, I'll be able to move on. Find someone closer to my own age, someone who wants me." She sighed. "Skimble didn't flat-out reject me, but he hasn't been, you know, looking at me, either. I've seen the way some cats look at each other. He's never looked at me like that."
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Post by pike on Sept 2, 2011 22:54:26 GMT -5
"Skimble doesn't look at anyone like that. Maybe Jenny a long time ago before stuff got rough. I'm not even sure when the change happened since I was young myself. The only thing I can assume is that it got strained when they had Victor, but tried to hold it together, and probably Tumble was either an oops, or an attempt to rekindle whatever dead flame there was."
He shook his head. "It's always hard to get over things. Obsessions. I've been working to get over a bit of mine, even. It's not easy. But you're acknowledging a problem so... that's a big start. That sounded probably a lot cheesier than intended," he laughed, though it slowed down.
"I guess I rarely see the looks some cats give each other, the ones you see. Maybe a bit with Victor and Mistoffelees before they broke up and got in their stupid fight or whatever. And I guess some of the others. Maybe one-sided things, or confusion. Lonz is having a tough time right now, poor guy. He's pretty much in a... well, not identical, but similar situation to you. Loving someone who... just.... doesn't get it. At all." He kept the identity anonymous for Alonzo's sake. "It's tough... but what can you do? That's one where I'm trying to help him get over it. The cat he cares for really does care for him but... I don't think they're mentally capable of much more. Not really anyone's fault, but it happens." He closed his eyes. "It's worse when you notice the eyes on you, and you don't return them. You probably felt that with Tumble."
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Post by kamaria on Sept 2, 2011 23:04:04 GMT -5
Kamaria nodded. "Question is, then, if he'll ever be able to again. Because I want to, need to, be looked at like that. But yeah. I'm aware I have confidence issues. Painfully aware. And it did sound a bit cheesy, but a bit of cheese now and again is good," she teased.
"Oh, I wasn't aware of that. It's been a while since I spoke with Lonz. Poor thing. I hope things will be figured out soon, both for him and me. This current situation just.. sucks. Love hurts or whatever, right?" Pause. "Actually, Skimble must have rubbed off on me. I was completely oblivious until he started putting his arm around me and stuff, and I had to explain to him that I fancy his dad. God. Dad. What the hell did I get myself into?"
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Post by pike on Sept 2, 2011 23:10:32 GMT -5
"Did he take it too far?" Munkustrap asked, suddenly very serious as he sat up and looked down at her. "If I need to put him in line, I will, even if that means talking to his parents. You shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable," he said. But, even with those words, he felt a bit of a jab. Kitrina had seemed game with him. More than just game. So he justified it as being okay, even though he pushed.
But he wouldn't see her. He'd make sure of that. He didn't need her. Being with Alonzo was enough proof of that. And God, that was a nice night.
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Post by kamaria on Sept 2, 2011 23:14:13 GMT -5
Kamaria shook her head. "No no. He just put his arm around me and made a few flirty remarks. It's fine. I just felt bad that I had to disappoint him, you know? And it was just awkward, having to explain that my heart was already set on his freakin' dad, of all the cats in the Junkyard. There's something I never thought I'd have to say," she said with a short laugh. Almost a little bitter.
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Post by pike on Sept 2, 2011 23:20:24 GMT -5
Munkustrap visibly relaxed then, and lay back. "You can't help it. No one can help it, really. Just sometimes logic outweighs everything else. Not always, but sometimes. I can't say I understand it since I don't think I've felt that sort of love you've described. Heart on my sleeve, to a degree. But it's easier loving everyone like friends and family. Protecting everyone. Less favoritism."
Munkustrap gazed at the sky. "It's probably better that I went off with her and not you that night. You're too kind to endure what I did. I don't think I could have forgiven myself for hurting you. Anyone really. But... she's tough. So if I did something stupid... at least it was with someone who could take it." Vagueness. A reminder of the party. Guilt. And honesty.
"Sometimes I hate that I do have things in common with my brother."
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Post by kamaria on Sept 2, 2011 23:30:04 GMT -5
Kamaria nodded. "I've yet to experience it, but I think these feelings can be amazing, if they're reciprocated. I don't know. I'm surprised though, I would have thought you'd been in love before, because you care so much. About everyone," she murmured, and then fell silent.
"I don't think I want to know what you've been doing with her. Not gonna lie, I was super jealous, but you're probably right. I'm too emotional for my own good, it would have been a mess." A slight twang of jealousy thinking back on that night. He was right, she would have been a wreck if he'd done the things he did to Kitrina to her. But the closeness. Being wrapped in warm arms. Affection. Tenderness. She ached for that.
She gazed up at the sky again, at all those many many pinpricks of light.
"For what it's worth, even if there's some similarities between you and Tugger... At least you care, at least you realize your mistakes. I don't know him very well, but he seems like the kind of cat who doesn't care as long as he gets laid."
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Post by pike on Sept 2, 2011 23:38:12 GMT -5
Munkustrap sighed. "I've been avoiding her since a little bit ago. There's other... stuff... that makes it complicated... that I can't go into... but I made it worse." He shook his head. "It's not even too emotional for your own good. I was drunk, she was drunk, and I just..." He hedged a bit. "It's hard. The temptation runs in the family. And all of my brother's conquests that he so proudly flaunts... just dug in. Had been so long and she... just... felt trained or something. And I just... feel like I can't stop. The stuff I talked her into... no better than my Brother. At all."
He turned his face away, truly disgusted with himself. "So many toms are pigs. I try not to be one of them, but I'm the same. And now the way she looks at me... she smiles. And I just don't..." He hesitated. "... she's not my type. ... at all."
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Post by kamaria on Sept 2, 2011 23:56:40 GMT -5
She didn't quite know how to respond to that. Had she been used like that, she would have been completely shattered. She was too much heart and emotion. Couldn't distance herself. Not like that.
"Well. I don't want to know any more details, your face says more than enough, but. I'm not saying whatever you did was okay, because it sounds like it wasn't, but we all make mistakes, and at least you are aware you did something bad, and regret it. At least you look like you're genuinely sorry."
She fell silent. Fidgeted a bit with the hem of her t-shirt. "I'm not exactly the ideal cat to go to for advice, but I do know that if it were me in Kit's place... I'd rather you were straight with me and explained things before it goes too far, rather than stringing me along. I mean, if she's reading more into all this and thinking you like her like that, it's better to clear things up now, rather than later. it's gonna suck no matter what, but the longer you wait the worse it's gonna get. I think."
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Post by pike on Sept 3, 2011 0:00:27 GMT -5
"I guess," he said, frowning and sighing. "Just been avoiding because I'm not sure if I can trust myself. And sorta... out of sight, out of mind. In theory. I mean, maybe she doesn't feel too much for me..." But he doubted it. There was no way.
He gave a smallish laugh. "You know, it's funny... in the past few nights, I've talked more about stuff going on with me than I have in my entire life. It's nice to be able to talk to someone and not be judged."
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Post by kamaria on Sept 3, 2011 0:07:09 GMT -5
"I suppose. Maybe. I dunno, I still think you should talk to her about it, let her know how you really feel. But then again what do I know," she said with a small smile.
She looked over at him again. Really looked at him. Hesitantly reached out a hand and brushed her fingers lightly against his, but then pulled away, worried she might have gone too far. "I'm glad you feel like you can talk with me. And thank you for listening to my crap. I'm glad you bumped into me tonight. This is nice," she murmured and looked back up at the stars again. It was a beautiful night.
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Post by pike on Sept 3, 2011 0:25:21 GMT -5
Munkustrap grinned before he scooted toward her. "Come here," he said, wrapping an arm around Kamaria's shoulder, seeming to relax. "It's nice. Being able to talk. Thanks for giving me the chance."
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Post by kamaria on Sept 3, 2011 0:33:12 GMT -5
Kamaria smiled and shifted, getting comfortable next to him. She felt safe and relaxed, nestled up to him like that, with his arm around her. It was nice. "Yeah, it is. And anytime. I like being able to be there for those I care about," she murmured. She looked at him again, small smile still lingering. "Thank you. I really needed this, I think. This is nice."
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Post by pike on Sept 3, 2011 0:35:19 GMT -5
"Mhm," he replied, relaxing more. Somehow it seemed safer being able to confide with a female who wasn't just going to jump his bones. He still remembered trying to fend off Kitrina at first with that dare. Then the break down. Then that addiction.
And the other night with Alonzo lingered in his head, but that was okay. They talked about it, so he knew it was okay.
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Post by kamaria on Sept 3, 2011 9:29:47 GMT -5
Kamaria remained silent, content to just lie there next to Munkustrap, gazing up at the stars twinkling far above them.
Her emotions were playing tricks on her, she didn't know what she wanted anymore, but she tried to ignore them. She wanted to enjoy this. Being close to Munkustrap. This was new to her, being so relaxed while she was so close to someone she fancied. Probably because she didn't actually care which way things went. Friendship, something more, it was all good. No matter what, she'd become closer to the silver tom tonight, and that's all that mattered.
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Post by pike on Sept 3, 2011 13:59:47 GMT -5
Munkustrap focused on staying awake. It wouldn't due to fall asleep when on duty, but for a little bit he could enjoy company and forget about the stresses, which meant nothing and everything all the same.
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